Tag Archives: lesbian myths

Do male attitudes contribute to women choosing a life of lesbianism?

17 Jan

The concept that a person can treat another in such a manner as to change their sexual orientation is absurd. Sure people comment about it all the time in a joking manner, but it isn’t really true. The attitudes of men make a lesbian no more than reading A Brief History of Time makes a person Stephen Hawking. There are reasons this myth lives on, but they are all ridiculous, so men take heart, it isn’t you that turned her to lesbianism, she has always been one.

The last time anyone even broached this subject with me was when a friend was left by his girlfriend of maybe three months or so for a woman. As expected he droned on and on wondering how she could turn into a lesbian overnight, never mind one of the things that drew him to her was that she was an open bisexual whom he harbored those stereotypical fantasies about. Then surprisingly enough he asked me why I chose to be a lesbian, was it some man that burned me so bad I couldn’t fathom being with another? I didn’t mean to, and it wasn’t the sensitive thing to do, but I laughed. I found it endlessly funny because I have never dated a man, not once, not even just to get a free dinner.

For the sake of trying to show him how ridiculous he was being I asked if the relationship with her was so bad he was going to turn to homosexuality. He looked at me horrified as if to say “I’d never!” I gently pointed out it is a two way street. A woman does not become a lesbian because of a mans attitude anymore than a heterosexual man becomes gay because of a woman’s attitude. It’s a pretty basic concept, gay people get it, why do straight people who are equally endowed with a brain fail to and even entertain such a notion?

The myth lives on so long and gains so much favor because it has for far too many years been a punchline in entertainment, at least that is one reason why. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve seen a movie or television program in which some reference is made to a woman dating a man that was so horrible or boring he actually turned a woman to lesbianism. When delivered properly on the screen it does make for a heck of a laugh, but people have to realize what happens television and the silver screen is entertainment, rarely is it truth. We entertain ourselves with this venue to forget our own reality, and this idea of driving a woman to the arms of another woman with a mans attitude is not reality.

Another way this myth survives is it is something women do say to each other, but again it is not said seriously. That however does not stop men that might be in earshot from taking it as gospel some times. To them it may actually seem rational. An example would be I was having coffee with my little sister at lunch one day and we were discussing her latest failed relationship with a man. We aren’t the type to speak in whispered tones so when she said “You have the right idea, I wish I was a lesbian too so I didn’t have to deal with men anymore” it was overheard by others in the shop. She wasn’t being serious, she was venting frustration, but how are people that don’t know her going to know that from one snippet of a conversation?

A third way this notion continues to draw breath is our own fault ladies. Not that I agree with this, but there are times a woman ending a bad relationship looking for a way to plunge the proverbial knife of pain straight through her exe’s heart will say something untrue to cause him pain. I know for absolute fact women I have or do socialize with have told men they made her realize how awful men were and that she was switching teams, or that he could not satisfy her sexual needs (Always an area that hurts the ego of any person) and women were now her preference because she knew they could. When a woman says that under the circumstances of a breakup, it isn’t true, it is just to hurt someone that in some way has hurt them.

The final way I know this lives on is because sometimes women do in fact get so fed up with the attitudes of men they think being with a woman has to be better. They entertain the thought of it, but rarely do they follow through. It’s frustration talking. In some cases they may even try making the switch only to find out pretty quickly it is not for them because it isn’t who they are. There are a few that switch teams for good, but so far as I have ever personally seen these were women that were bisexual so it wasn’t a radical change of sexual orientation in the least. It doesn’t however mean they are now lesbian, it just means they aren’t with a man.

The bottom line is no matter how bad a mans attitude may be to a woman it is not going to re-wire her brain in such a manner as to change her sexual orientation. It can certainly turn her off to an individual, a general type of man, or send her on a dating hiatus until she works things out, but that is the extent of it. This is a myth up way past it’s bedtime and it needs to be laid to rest.