Hate never makes sense

16 Feb

Many years ago when I came out, I was told by a person i respected that coming out was hanging a target on my back – and head and chest and pretty much over every inch of skin. Have I encountered hate over the years for being an LGBT person? Without any doubt I have. At times it has come from people I didn’t even know just seeing me with my partner and deciding it was okay to slur us. People I’ve worked with have certainly showed me their uglier less tolerable side. It has come to me from people claiming to be of the cloth. It’s even come to me from my own family and people I held as my closest friends. No matter how old or used to it I get, it still never makes sense.

I can understand family to a degree. My family was strong in a faith system that explicitly frowned upon LGBT persons. My coming out challenged their beliefs and in their minds forced them to choose between whether what they have always learned was the word of their savior was right or if I, their child, was right. In my mind, that doesn’t excuse the treatment I received, but in a warped way I understand that. It still hurts today even though they are all long gone.

Co-workers I even understood to a degree. It isn’t easy to think you know a person and then find out, quite by surprise, they are very different than you ever imagined. But I would still wonder, if my sexuality doesn’t impact the money they make, doesn’t have any effect on whether they can pursue their own happiness or even advance in their career, why would anyone care? Still, void of any logic, co-workers could, and sometimes would, be extremely hateful. Even to the point of trying to ruin my career.

I’ve dealt with hospital receptionists that left me in a waiting room (with full insurance mind you) so long I watched a full shift pass, another get halfway finished, and then, and only when, the waiting room nearly emptied after watching a 12 hour parade of people stream in and out was I seen. And even then the first question out of the Dr. that saw me was “Do you have AIDS – and don’t lie to me.” It was an odd question to say the least seeing as he had my chart with blood work indicating I was clean – and the whole thing of being there because I got hit with a softball in the face and thought I may have broken a cheekbone. Even after the battery of questions, I could hear him tell the nurse to “ice down the dyke” and he’d see me after he had his jog and a shower.

Friends…geez…Everyone has heard the stories of friends that turn on you as soon as they hear you’re gay. No need to rehash even a tiny fraction of those.

What still amazes me though are the people you don’t know that still find a way to hate you. I play this one game online that deals with people networking. I’ve been both openly gay and online long enough to know that anytime I wind up in a grouping of a very large number of people I’m going to have a problem at some point with someone – everyone does gay or not. Yesterday, it happened. I did this series of activitiess to help my partner out – my life partner. I wanted her to have an unexpected smile – it was Valentine’s day after all. I’ve done it before so it wasn’t something that was like breaking new ground.

Everything was fine until I got this direct message basically asking if I was stupid. I answered back, define how I am being stupid. The answer was that I was doing these missions that cost money (virtual money no less) instead of spending on the people that invested in me – like him because I had a duty to do that. I tried to remain rational and explained that while it may not help my share price in this virtual world game, it certainly would help me in my real world life in more ways than I could explain. The answer came back that the person had seen my picture (Which has the ‘It’s OK to be Takei’ symbol and he said “You’re one of those. How sad for you.”

Now why would anyone care? It’s a game. A game I made that person in particular a lot of virtual money playing. This is someone from out in the Caribbean I’ll never meet in real life. Even if I had the chance to prior to this, I doubt it would even be a flicker of a thought to meet or even converse with this person. Still, even after deciding to block the person to avoid a nasty fallout, they had to follow me around the web telling me I needed to find salvation to atone for my illness. The more I blocked the individual from site to site, the more hateful they got until I could only imagine someone foaming at the mouth while typing.

This wasn’t the first time it’s happened and it is far from the last I’m sure, but I wonder – what drives a person to hate someone they don’t actually know so fiercely that they would spend a day cyberstalking you just to tell you they hate you – because you’re gay. Why would someone want to devote so much energy to hate? Where is the sense in hating someone, or group, idea, or whatever, so much that you could devote the time you could otherwise spend with family and friends, working, studying or doing anything productive instead being directed at telling people you will never actually know you hate them – just because they are different.

Is there any sense in it at all?

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