Establishing a healthy lesbian relationship

8 Dec

The keys to establishing a healthy lesbian relationship are for the most part the same as those needed to establish a healthy relationship between two men or a man and a woman. It goes without saying there are some things which add a little extra challenge to creating a healthy dynamic, but in reality there is no need to make it any more complex than necessary. To properly identify the key factors that go into creating a healthy lesbian relationship is to proceed step by step and remove the mystery and myth from it all.

The most important aspect of any relationship is trust. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about lesbians or Martians, without trust there is nothing. Trust is what allows two people to be absent from one another without going into mental fits over what they might be doing. Trust is what allows one partner to watch the other enjoy talking to or spending time with someone else as a friend and not experience jealous fits. Trust is what is necessary to honestly feel love for one another.

Respect is a huge factor as well. If there is no mutual respect the relationship is never level. Someone always feels as if they are above the other in some way and a healthy relationship can never develop. Respect for one another is what allows open honest communication. Without respect, there is no relationship, there is merely a pairing of two people in which one dictates to the other what to do and think. Anyone that has been in a pairing like that knows it is not a healthy relationship lesbian or otherwise.

Other important traits necessary in all relationships are of course, love, loyalty, and honor. They along with trust and respect are the foundation that a relationship is built upon. With that said there are a few unique aspects of the lesbian relationship which must be present in order for it to remain healthy and capable of continuing to grow and thrive.

Each person should be out of the closet, or willing to deal with the fact that one person may not be out. It may not sound like a major issue unless you have lived through a relationship dealing with that dynamic. If both partners are out, there is no reason to feel compelled to keep a low profile. When one partner is out and the other is in what usually winds up happening sooner or later is a strong feeling of resentment manifesting. The out partner often begins the partner that is in the closet for not coming out so they can be together publicly without worry. They start to resent not being able to tell people they are together and being forced to in effect go back into the closet. The closeted partner will at times similarly resent the partner that is out for being out. It is two way street full of potholes.

Each person has to agree on how far they intend for their relationship to go. Some people are refusing to marry until everyone can, insisting that just a verbal commitment to one another is sufficient. In a somewhat new and novel twist, others are insisting on marriage now that it is available in more places than at any point in the past. Some women just want to have a partner that is more like a steady date, while others want someone more along the lines of a spouse. To further complicate some who want marriage also want the legal benefits that come with it meaning in most cases the couple would need to move someplace to reap those rewards. This can be a huge mess lesbian couples face that can potentially break them up.

Then there are of course those lesbians whom are only attracted to women with a defined outward physical representation of butch, femme, soft butch, and on and on. The problem with women that are only attracted to people portraying a specific role is that people grow and change. Sometimes the soft butch goes butch, the femme goes soft butch, or any number of changes. When this happens sometimes relationships crumble.

Then of course there are always issues related to children, not just whether they want kids, but how they will have them. Will they adopt, make an allowance for procreative heterosexual sex, or go the artificial insemination route? Who will be the donor if they do not adopt? Which person will carry the child? If they have more than one will they take turns? Will they use the same donor or a different one for each? This is a unique dilemma which many lesbian couples fail to discuss in advance which can also be a problem.

There are more possible problems than can be listed which can wreck a lesbian relationship. However if you can avoid the above potholes in the road and use common sense in realizing that with trust., love, good communication, respect, and all those other positive attributes discussed above, that is what is necessary to build a healthy lesbian relationship. Like anything worthwhile it takes time, work, and the understanding that anything is possible.

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