Gender and equal pay in the workplace

Discussing workplace gender issues can be very touchy. On the surface equality has been reached and the playing field is level. A woman can do anything a man can and expect to be paid equally correct? In actuality however the rules have been evened but not everyone is playing by them. In fact gender equity in the workplace is still in many ways a pipe dream.

I have a rather unique take on this many people don’t have. I am a woman in the corporate world. Not too shocking. Prior to now however I was a man in the corporate world. I have been able to experience each first hand and compare and contrast the subtle and not so subtle differences.

The most obvious difference is the pay scale. While it would seem a person with valid experience and an established track record and reputation should earn commensurate with their peers this just does not happen. As a man I found it quite easy to find employment with little experience, but as a woman trying to land the same job and pay much more difficult. In fact I didn’t find one. I was able to obtain the same position with a different company but at nearly 14% less per year and with fewer perks. Now I was doing the same exact job but with 11 years of practical experience and a newly added degree to my portfolio yet I was being paid less in some cases than men without an advanced degree, less experience, and only a smattering of years in the work force.

Socially the differences can be even more pronounced. As a man certain behavior and talk was tolerated. Attitudes run quite differently as many men view women at times as forced hires to meet internal quotas, or simply not up to par. Treatment can be condescending as some assume a woman simply can’t handle the same job as a man or even comprehend it. I have dealt with men who are at times younger and in lower position than I, that think it is okay to ask me to fetch their coffee, run their copies, or use any number of derogatory terms in reference to me such as “Sweet-cheeks”, “Babe” or “Honey”, none that I am inclined to respond to. This behavior was tolerated and explained to me as boys being boys. Something it was assumed I would not understand. At it’s worst I dealt with suggestions we may close an account if I were “Friendly” with a client. While this was explained away as a joke I hardly found it funny. It took threat of legal action to end this harassing and demeaning treatment.

Advancing which is as much social networking as performance is often times difficult as the old boys network is still alive and well. I have heard every reason for being passed over for promotion from clients being more comfortable dealing with men, to not advancing because I have been tabbed a trouble maker for asking for equal treatment. That happens even when my performance is unquestioned and I remain a top earner.

As a man I had opportunity to not just view all of this but to be a part of it if I chose. It was certainly not uncommon to hear off color remarks made as to the physical assets of women, the fantasized special abilities they may possess, or at times even blatant remarks such as “She may not be too bright but she has great (Fill in the blank).” I saw qualified women knowingly passed over for less qualified men because they didn’t play the social networking game they were never invited to in the first place. I saw men get and take credit for the jobs others (not just women to be fair) performed because they were in the loop and being fast tracked up the ladder. At one point, that was me.

Now in all honesty not all companies function in this manner so overtly. In most the differences are quite subtle and not so overwhelming. It is in the traditionally male dominated fields such practices still run rampant as some boys never mentally grow into men. I say that not to be unfair but just as a point of opinion. Some girls never mentally grow into women. No system or employer is perfect. To be fully fair I know men in female dominated industries that suffer the same slings and arrows. It’s not just men that are guilty of gender inequality.

The bright side of it all is that at least on paper equality does exist. In time with younger generations climbing the ladder more and hopefully true equality can be achieved as many persons climbing the ladder to the top now don’t look at differences in gender or any area as a weakness but simply a diverse resource to be tapped. However like all things only time will tell.

Examining The Self-Acceptance Issues Associated With Homosexuality

Examining The Self-Acceptance Issues Associated With Homosexuality.

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While gaining the acceptance of others is definitely a challenge, for most of us, it is the issue of self-acceptance that poses the greatest difficulty during the coming out process. For many gay people, the inner conflict which arises from the realization that one is homosexual can be overwhelming. Trying to find peace with a gay identity in one’s own Spirit is, in my opinion, far more difficult than dealing with the prejudice of others…or at least it was for me.

My coming out experience began when I was thirty-one. I will never forget the first time that I finally acknowledged to myself that I was gay. The sheer terror of that moment was completely paralyzing. Having grown up in an entirely straight environment, I had never associated with gay people on a regular basis. Of course, I knew a few gay acquaintances whom I had met only a time or two, but there were none that I had maintained a close friendship with. The straight world and their school of thought were all that I had ever known”

via Examining The Self-Acceptance Issues Associated With Homosexuality.

How to add a panel to the National AIDS quilt

The National AIDS Memorial Quilt was designed as an ever growing memorial to those who have been lost to this terrible disease. The quilt is made of panels, some 47,000 at this time, which bear the name of one of the deceased, often with a short message, so they will not be forgotten. Adding a friend or loved one to the quilt is often a tribute many wish to pay to these people, and is something very simple to do. One need not be gifted with great talent which allows them to make a museum quality piece to add a panel, they just need to be filled with love.

The rules for making a panel are wide open. You can choose to paint, sew, needlepoint, use appliques, or even an iron on transfer. The goal is to make this possible for anyone to do and to be able to express their creativity as they choose. While some people undertake making a panel as a solo endeavour, many opt for more of a group quilting bee setting in which they can use the time to not just remember their loved one, but connect with each other on a deeper more meaningful level.

When designing your panel be sure to include their name, otherwise how is anyone going to know who it is for? That along with each panel representing only one individual are the only design rules. Many people choose to include the dates of both birth and death, as well as the name of a spouse or children. Other ideas for a panel can be a short poem, quote, or some blurb which helps sum up just who this person was in life.If you wish to add a photo, it is suggested you photocopy it and make it into an iron on transfer, most crafts stores can help with this. Then transfer that onto a piece of 100% cotton fabric which you then sew onto the panel.

Once the design details are worked out you need to choose a material. It is important to remember that as the quilt is folded and unfolded numerous times each year, the fabric you choose needs to be durable. Non-stretch fabrics are best, particularly poplin or cotton duck. Be aware that glue does deteriorate over time, so choose a fabric you can sew whenever possible. if embellishments or glued on pieces of any variety are lost, there is no guarantee they will be re-added to the panel.

The dimensions of the fabric must by 3′x6′ on the nose, no more or less so that continuity can be maintained. Please leave 3 inches of fabric on each edge so that the panel can be hemmed. If you cannot hem it yourself, it can be done after it is sent in by volunteers. Batting is neither necessary or recommended, but backing the panel is strongly urged as it helps retain the shape of the panel and keep it clean while on display.

The next step, although suggested but not necessary, is to write a letter about the person and when possible include a photo. Include what they were like, favorite memories, your relationship to them, or anything you care to share to help them be remembered. This will be filed away in the archives along with every other person appearing on the quilt as a second lasting tribute to their life. In many cases it is also a good idea to add in an additional photo of the completed panel to go along with it.

The final step is to go to the NAME project website and fill out the form for panel makers. If possible, a donation is greatly appreciated so that overhead for the project may be covered. Once that is done, the panel may be directly submitted to the NAME project directly at:

NAMES Foundation

Attn: New Panels

The NAMES Project Foundation

637 Hoke St. NW

Atlanta, GA, 30318-4315

If you need more detailed information than is provided here or via their site, they can be reached at: 404-688-5500. Making a panel for the quilt is a wonderful way to remember those we have lost to AIDS whom touched our lives. It is a very simple process and costs so little to offer them this lasting tribute. Even if you don’t have a person to make a panel for, a small donation on it’s own is always appreciated so that others may continue to keep this living memorial operating.

Scholarships available to LGBT students

Scholarships for LGBT students are far more abundant than most people think. In fact there are actually so many that much of the money allotted to many programs to endow this aid goes unclaimed although that trend is slowly ending. For years many LGBT students did not apply for these scholarships for fear of the stigma which may be attached to them for doing so. While numerous scholarships are available to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender persons, there are several which stand out above the pack. With no further ado, the best LGBT scholarships are as follows in no specific order. .

Colage LGBT Children Scholarship. Colage (Children of Lesbians and Gays) offers four $1,000 scholarships each year to the Children of gay, lesbian, or transgender parents. While many may say the kids are not LGBT, they do come from LGBT families and are a part of the fabric of the gay community. In order to qualify the applicant must have at least one LGBT parent/guardian, be enrolled in an accredited postsecondary school, and have a minimum GPA of 2.0. Graduate level or higher applicants are not open to this scholarship. Details of the application process are available at their website.

The Live Out Loud Scholarship is available to LGBT students in the New York Tri-State area of New York, New Jersey, Connecticut. This scholarship is for $2,500 and only goes to the above qualified students who also are graduating high school seniors, or those whom have put off entering college for no more than one year after graduating high school. The number of scholarships awarded annually does vary depending on a number of factors including but not limited to donations received.

The Queer Foundation Scholarship Fund awards scholarships in the amount of $1,000 to queer youth based on the winners of their essay contests. The scholarships do come with the restriction that they be used at U.S. colleges or universities to study queer theory or related fields. An interview and reference check is also a part of the process, but also comes with added benefits beyond the actual money. Queer Scholars receive mentoring, academic advising, and tutoring. They must maintain an acceptable grade point average (As determined by their individual institution), and give back to the community in any number of ways the panel deems appropriate.

The Maylon-Smith Scholarship Award annually awards up to $1,000 to select graduate students in the field of psychology. Interested applicants must be actively enrolled full-time in a Psychology Department at the graduate level, and not be in the fields of sociology, and social work. For a full overview of their guidelines and application process, please visit their website as it is far more detailed than most scholarship applications.

Aarons Program, properly known as the Leroy F. Aarons Scholarship Award, endows a scholarship of up to $5,000 in tuition funding to LGBT students with a career plan aimed at the field of journalism, and is committed to furthering fair and accurate coverage of the LGBT community in the press. A few of the prerequisites for this scholarship are that applicants must already have been accepted to a U.S. community college or four year university which they will attend full-time, must be a U.S. citizen, and cannot be transferred to pay for study abroad programs.

The League Foundation at AT&T LGBT Scholarship is available to LGBT high school seniors (U.S. only) who meet at least the three following standards; a 3.0 grade point average (4.0 scale), significant community service involvement, and have already been accepted to and accredited U.S. college or University. League actually offers several LGBT scholarships annually, The Laurel Hester Memorial Scholarship (1 annually), The Matthew Shepard Memorial Scholarship (1 annually), and The League Foundation Scholarship (5annually). The awards range from $1,500 – $2,500 with decisions on recipients made in July.

The Point Foundation may be the granddaddy of all LGBT scholarship organizations overseeing at last count 24 different scholarships for LGBT persons and growing. The qualifications and amount of each award vary significantly as do the coverage of each available. Most do allow coverage of expenses beyond tuition alone. As they oversee so many scholarships, a visit to their website is really necessary to see which suits each potential applicant best.

For any college bound LGBT students it is highly advised to begin looking at these scholarships as financing options. Also please note these which are listed are but a mere drop in the bucket which are specifically available LGBT students. With so many going unclaimed the odds are if you are a decent student you will find at least one that you not only qualify for but can actual be awarded.

First date: How far do you go

Figuring out how far you will go on a first date is something most people already have in mind when they make the date. To be honest this idea of how far a person is willing to go is something individual, in constant flux, and varies greatly on several factors which will be explored. There is no right or wrong answer to this dilemma as the only person that can make this decision is the person going on the date, usually the woman. With that said, even the ladies have times the decide to go all the way only to get shot down and left laying at the end of the runway in a twisted mass of wreckage. As such, why not have some fun looking at this issue.

 Men and women look at the question of how far they will go on the first date in very different ways. For women it is often a process of deliberation. It generally always begins at “No way under the sun” and slowly progresses upwards based on several factors:

How much effort will he put in to creating the perfect date?

Will he succeed in pulling off that perfect date he planned?

Is he going to act in a socially respectable manner?

Will he cringe if I order a second lobster to go?

Does he throw his hands up in disgust when I ask for a whole cheesecake to go as well? A dessert is needed after the lobster.

Is he absolutely irresistible?

How long has it been since I’ve had a roll in the hay?

While some women may tweak that list a little, it is a fair assessment o some of the things that may go through the mind of a woman when she creates her mental checklist of how far she is going to let you go on the first date. Some factors obviously weigh more than others, but those are individual preferences. Some women have a far more detailed and lengthy checklist of what it takes to determine how far they will go on the first date. The thing to remember is that everything may fly out the window if the final point, “how long has it been since I had a roll in the hay?” has been a really long time. Women are sexual beings as much men, almost every single woman that has been single long enough will sometimes overlook everything else just to clear that off her to do list.

When looking at men and how they determine how far they will go on the first date it is far simpler. Their only criteria usually consists of whether or not the woman will say yes to sex. They will often go as far as they are allowed whether it is the first date or 101st date. Before people start throwing rocks, not all men are like that. Some men do genuinely consider whether sex on the first date is their goal or whether they are more interested in getting to know someone on a personal conversational level with perhaps a sweet goodnight kiss or maybe a little cuddling.

While the above makes light of the issue to some degree, most people can readily admit that they have had similar thoughts when deciding how far they will go on the first date. The most important thing for anyone to determine is how comfortable they are with their date beforehand, how far they feel going based on that, and then sticking to it no matter how charming they may seem or how much you may feel like going for more. Gut instincts are respected for a reason, that being that they are often correct. Far too many men and women have gone farther than their initial plan on the first date only to be heartbroken afterward when things go sour. If you can handle that disappointment and know you are safe and in control of the situation, you can decide to go as far as you want on the first date partner willing. If not, stick the the the four date rule coined by Elliot Reid on Scrubs, “It’s one date longer than a slut, one date shorter than a prude.”

First date safety tips for women

Regardless of age safety is rule number one when it comes to dating. With the rise of Internet dating especially, it is more common now that “Blind” dates are truly unknown quantities. Still, dating is an important part of everyone’s life at some point and women especially need to take steps to insure the experience is a safe one.

The most important thing is to always have all the information you can gather, and to verify it is true. People say I’m over zealous, but I stick to a few simple rules that work well. Too many young women I deal with make the mistake of setting up dates without actually verbally speaking to their prospective date. Get a phone number for them whether it be home or work and have some evidence that this person is who they say they are. If they will not give you their number be suspicious, use you instincts and realize this may not be the person advertised. For your own safety I usually suggest you call from a payphone on first contact so your real number can’t be trapped just in case something with Mr. right turns out wrong.

 Before you leave the house make sure at least two people know where you are going, who you will be with, and when you expect to be back. I also usually suggest you keep the same information written down and left someplace it can easily be found should there be a problem. This information should also include anything you have on your date such as name, address, employer, phone number, etc… We all want to believe nothing bad will ever happen to us but unfortunately statistics state otherwise, even to those of us who go prepared. Information is power and a safety net.

When you do first meet, make sure it is a location you know and are comfortable with. If you happen to know people that frequent or work at that particular location so much the better. It never hurts to have extra eyes you can tip off to have watching over you or to lend aid should there be a problem. If you must go to a location you aren’t familiar with, if possible, ask a friend to tag along separately that can keep an eye on things from afar until you let him or her know you are okay by prearranged signal.

Take your own transportation. This is true on the first date especially. You do not want to be in a position where you feel dependent on your date giving you a ride home. This is a bad idea because when you allow them to physically see where you live that is a lot of information. Not every first date is going to go well and you may decide you like

the guy but not enough to keep seeing him. He may have other ideas and become a stalker to some degree making unannounced pop-ins and the such or worse. It is sad, but it always has to be in the back of your mind such things can and do occur. Also, be sure you have cash on hand to make a call or grab a cab home. It can also be helpful to have the numbers for friends on hand that can pick you up and help provide an exit during a bad date, after all that’s what friends are for.

 Most phones now come with a camera built in and I have always found that when possible it is good idea to snap a pic of your date. This can be done very discretely without them knowing before you actually meet, or it can be done playfully. Either way you have exactly what they looked like on that night recorded. Again, I am a hyper vigilant person, but most of us that have had dates that turned violent are. Once the pic is snapped it can easily be emailed to a friend while using the bathroom or should you have some other occasion of being apart. This may seem silly but how many people have had dates (Especially from online sources) that simply did not match the picture or description given.

Have a plan for the night and stick to it. If the plan was dinner and a movie, or club, do not stray. Remember that you have told people where you will be and on the first date especially it is good to limit the spontaneity a bit. It can be tempting to agree to run off to the beach to watch the grunion run, or stop by this neat little out of the way spot he knows, but it just isn’t safe. The more people around you the better. Intimacy can come later if it’s meant to happen, the first date is about getting to see if you mesh well, not taking the risk of hooking up.

It is also a good idea to set a “Potential time limit” at the beginning of the date by stating you have something to do early the next morning or whatever fits your needs so you can beg off the date early if you desire without causing too much friction. If you want to stay out later than you originally planned excuse yourself to call a friend and let them know you will be out later, or at least pretend to. Either way make sure he knows/believes someone is aware of who you are with, where you are, where you’re going, and when you’ll be back. This can nip many potential problems before they begin.

Know how to defend yourself. While stun guns are illegal in many areas, pepper spray isn’t and is very effective. It doesn’t take up much room in your purse and works fast. It will certainly give you enough time to get away. Also it is good to keep a whistle on your key chain. Sometimes noise will stop a person in their tracks but don’t count on it as your only option. It should also be noted that as weird as it sounds should you be in a position where you feel the need to scream for help, don’t scream “Help.” Studies have shown people all too often don’t want to get involved. If however you yell “Fire” people tend to come in droves to watch. For whatever reason that has been proved to get a crowd to appear the quickest and once people are there the odds of ending any problem are greatly in your favor.

These tips are a bit extreme to some folks, but they do work extremely well. Following them doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, it just means you are very prepared, and a date that knows you are prepared is less likely to push the envelope and get out of hand. Being prepared doesn’t mean you are scared, it means you are in control. No date is worth the risk of being undertaken totally blind, so please whether you follow these tips or others, always be vigilant and insure you are prepared for any situation.

The pros and cons of online dating

Tossing your hat into the online dating ring is riddled with pros and cons. At some point or another most single people have given it a whirl, heck even some married people which is a whole other issue altogether. It is pretty safe to say we have all at some time or another at least browsed through a dating site, of course not for ourselves, but for a friend we really want to see find that special someone. Online dating sites aren’t all good nor are they all bad, they just present a different set of the good and bad than is faced when first meeting in person. Of course some of these things are a double edged sword swinging both ways, but what in this world is perfect?

 Online dating is potentially good as it increases your exposure opening you up to people that may be perfect for you that you otherwise would never meet. It allows you to look for people fitting the criteria that you want, not that you hope to randomly find when meeting people live. With exposure you have help finding that special someone, but you can also find a lot of losers on the way to that winner. You will find plenty of pretenders and you will get aggravated to the utmost if you let it get to you. What else is good and bad about online dating? Plenty on each side, just more of it is negative from my experience and research.

Many people enjoy a certain level of annonymity. You don’t have to put your real name or a picture on a site,few people do in fact. You can write a wonderful description and hope that the type of person you are attracted to is the kind of person that really pays attention to the words in the profile and will be so moved they contact you based on that. The reality however is most people want to see what someone looks like and without a photo your level of responses will be significantly lower than with.

A further problem lies in those who do use a picture. How do you know it’s really them? Who says that picture isn’t several years old? Did they photoshop it? It’s hard to not be cynical, but we all know many people do these things on an all too regular basis. Some sites claim they fight this, but do they really? Nah, hardly at all, it takes something bordering on a presidential mandate to get a stolen/inaccurate photo removed. My sister pointed out to me that even on a site like the one always advertising on television (I can’t really give their name here but it’s the one that doesn’t allow gays) that boasts the strictest of standards that she had flagged six profiles

in which people used a photo of Nicky Hilton for their profile. C’mon folks Nicky Hilton is not on this site, certainly not six times times, especially claiming to live Easton Pennsylvania. Those profiles remained so long as dues were being paid I would assume as they lasted a few months even after she sent them to admin. A side note is this site that doesn’t allow gays and lesbians does a poor job of screening, my sister got on and well…she’s gay! Says it right in her profile, three times! So much for their testing huh? It made us believe they only test your credit worthiness.

 Pay sites are in general better, if you’re spending money to join it’s more likely you’re serious but not always. How many twenty year olds do you know that have finished college with a masters degree no less and are earning upwards of $100,000.00 a year? Personally I know one that was an absolute genius coming out of MIT. Just one. Check a dating site and you’ll find thousands! Common sense here folks. That is just an indication you can’t really trust profiles all that much, people are going to always try to make them self look better somehow, it’s just human nature.

The good news is not everyone is dishonest and goes overboard embellishing their exploits. You may have to dig a little bit but they are there. The other side of the coin is often times the perfect person lives nowhere near you, and by that I mean hundreds of miles away or more. Even though you find someone online, meeting live isn’t always easy or practical which is a huge downside. There is no garuntee you’ll find anyone and even sites “garunteeing” matches are pretty hollow. You didn’t find anyone in six months so they give you six more free months to not find anyone? And that assumes you are willing to jump through hoops, roll over and beg, and perform and number of tricks to prove you didn’t find anyone.

Another pro is you have plenty of different styles of dating sites to choose from, regualar, gay, religious, adult, regional, et al. You can create a quick profile and decide whether or not you like the site before going all in and investing the effort to make a full profile. The bad news is not all sites allow contact with other members without agreeing to a recurring charge for three months oft times so they aren’t really free. They are free to post a profile, just not to use. Some won’t let you delete a profile once it’s made, they just call it “inactive.” Then you have the headache of spam galore at whatever e-mail address you provided. Yes, many do sell or share your information. This is an extra special little bit of torture.

The pro’s and con’s of online dating sites are voluminous enough to fill a series of books. The basic thing is you can get exposure and meet people you otherwise never would have. The con is you really can’t trust the majority of the people you find on dating sites, even those that claim they are above deception. Still with all the cons about online dating it is worth a shot if you use common sense. Just remember that someone is successfully meeting people this way and there’s no reason it can’t be you.

Website reviews: Transpeoplespeak.org

Transpeoplespeak.org is the web based vehicle being used to spread the word regarding “awareness about the diverse communities of trans individuals, families, and allies. The site is designed and maintained by the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition with support from GLAD. As a fledgling site, it is primarily maintained by volunteers and interns, but that hardly equates to poor quality. If anything, the quality of content and the user interface is excellent and provides new twists that are both compelling enough to warrant return visits, and informative enough to not be a waste of time.

 What you can expect to find at transpeoplespeak.org are  the video and written testimonies of people in the transgender community willing to speak up about their identity, their life, and being transgender. It also serves as the base for the “I AM” project which was developed to challenge the stereotypes and misconceptions about the transgender community as well as transphobia. It is also the first portal known to be solely dedicated to providing a place where transgender people can share their stories. There are no ads, nor forums dedicated to any other issues, just transgender people and their life.

Each video and written testimony is heartfelt and goes a long way with keeping with the similar “It Gets Better” project which is aimed at LGB persons primarily. To spend time with these video and written testimonies is almost like actually meeting the actual person behind each and identifying the commonalities you share with them beyond being a transgender person alone. That in and of itsel is priceless for many.

The site itself is very easy to navigate and colorful without being obnoxious. Everything is presented with easy to find and access tabs that allow users to quickly jump from one point to the next. There are areas for transpeople, allies, and family members to share their stories as well as an educational area tabbed “Trans 101.” The site does accept donations to continue operating and fund projects, but they are not obnoxious about it, and providing your email for contact does not result in a slew of spam mails.

Overall it is a very enjoyable site that will be a great pleasure to watch develop and grow. The video journals can be quite stirring and help put the face of real and courageous people on the community we call transgender. Transmen and transwomen are equally represented and the overall feel of the site is one of great comfort and acceptance.

FCKH8 insults customers – who want their money back or what they bought

FCKH8, an organization built on the premise of tolerance, turns out to be extremely intolerant when it comes to their money. Specifically when it comes to parting with their money after they screw over customers that shop in their online store. The concept behind FCKH8 is a good one – even if it is delivered in what is a pretty abrasive manner for most people. For anyone not acquainted with them, they are an organization based on fighting any organizations or individuals that are determined to be haters to the LGBT community. I can get behind that – it’s why my family and most other LGBT families we know try to throw some support behind them – until recently at least.

FCKH8 stays in operation by selling merchandise – mostly tee-shirts. Whatever you get from them is horrifically overpriced, particularly when considering the quality, but we like many others still got behind them because it was an organization supportive of our community. Admittedly, we didn’t buy from them often because like I said – it’s overpriced crap. However we knew that going in so we couldn’t be angry about that. When they had a sale in the summer that made their tee-shirts reasonably priced, we decided to pick a couple more up. This is when we got a first hand introduction to how terrible these people really are when it comes to customer care as well as quality.

We ordered 2 shirts women’s XL’s. We ordered the same size before and they fit just fine. All our info was on file. This should be easy. But a month passed and the notice our order was shipping soon was already looking suspicious. We emailed to check on it. Turns out, they didn’t have the shirts in stock at all. Actually, they supposedly sold out weeks earlier. They were going to get more, sometime, and when they did they would send them to us. We said we’d wait a couple more weeks. Weeks passed – it was now Halloween and there were still no shirts. Again, the FCKH8 rep apologized over and over, we’re working on getting some stuff in, we’ll send them right out.

Christmas arrived and the shirts still had not arrived. We asked for a refund and they said that would work. No refund came though. Finally, Valentine’s Day came and so did the shirts in lieu of the refund. Not actually what we ordered though. We got what, after breaking out the measuring tape, turned out to be a small, not an XL and a junior’s at that – not a women’s. Our 12 year old MIGHT be able to squeeze into one, but once they get washed forget about it. And that’s assuming they don’t fall apart in the wash beforehand.

We contacted FCKH8 about this but no one seems to pick up their phone, and when they do it’s like talking to a kid that only knows how to ineffectually apologize and not fix anything. Here is a bit of a recent exchange with them so you can see how they handle problems in their chat server.

2/19/2012 9:43:52 PM I ordered shirts late last summer when you first ran the $9.99 shirt sale.

After several months, I inquired about the shirts and was told a new printing was going to have to be done because they were out of stock.

After several more months, I inquired again and was told the shirts were discontinued and I would have a refund in my account after a few days.

A week later, no refund. I emailed again – no reply.

Then a package arrived – with the 2 shirts ordered which I had been told were not available.

I had ordered extra large for myself and my partner, although we are not large women, because I know sizing runs small.

The shirts I received had the extra large tag, but barely fit my 90 lb, 5 foot 2 prepubescent daughter.

I’m pissed. I support FckH8. I have made purchases in the past even when it was hard on my pocketbook, and jumped at the chance to afford shirts for myself and my partner. I am completely unhappy and disappointed in the service, communication, and product.

I want a refund. If you want the tiny shirts back, I also want the shipping for the return paid. I think after half a year of dealing with this issue, I deserve more than that, but that is the minimum I will accept.
Staff (Michael C)
2/21/2012 10:00:57 AM We can refund you, but you would need to send the shirts back first, I am sorry. I will then gladly refund you for it.
Customer
2/21/2012 10:04:40 AM To ship the shirts back would cost almost as much as the refund since I do not have a business account with either UPS or FedEx. I was told I was getting a refund and would NOT be shipped the shirts as they were not available, and agreed to that – and then instead you shipped these undersized, mis-labeled shirts to me which are no use whatsoever. This is getting ridiculous.
Staff (Michael C)
2/21/2012 10:27:03 AM The shirts you did order were women’s fitted. There is a size chart on our site that explains how those shirts would fit accurately. We ended up getting them back in to fulfill the orders that we were behind on that is why it still went out.
Customer
2/21/2012 10:33:13 AM And the shirts laid out on my bed right now measure 18 horizontally across the chest and 27 vertically. A size small according to your own chart. Which is why I said they were obviously MISLABELED as they would barely fit my 12 year old daughter. Geez.

Customer
2/21/2012 10:35:50 AM Would you like me to email you a photo of one of the shirts laid out with a tape measure?

We called FCKH8 again and this time we got Michael C. whom we had on chat. Rather than try to find a resolution that actually works, he got pissy and started claiming we didn’t know how to read a size chart. Then it was an issue of us being stupid because in the apparel industry, anything that is labeled women’s is actually juniors and we should know that is the case and order three sizes larger than we think we need. That is news to us. A size up – yes. 3 sizes up? On what freakin’ planet?

And as discussed above, the only approved way to ship back to them is FedEx or UPS, for whatever reason, according to Michael C, so in order to return the shirts we were not supposed to receive after 6 months of total failure on their part to do anything resembling filling our order was to spend more money! The cost to return the shirts would eat a fair portion of what we should have gotten back because – btw – they don’t refund shipping costs even if they screw up, so that was another loss to eat.

But it’s not just us getting FCKD by FCKH8….

From Aknee J. — “on October 12th I ordered a tshirt, two buttons and two bracelets. On October 20th it said it was being shipped. Two weeks later called to see why the tracking info said it wasn’t shipped. They said it would ship by the end of the week, in time to give to my gf for her birthday. Two weeks later it still did not ship. I called to cancel and they said it went to the warehouse to ship. I’ve emailed and called every week since and they claim it will ship by the end of the week. Took my money October 12th and now, December 26th, it still has not shipped. They refuse to refund my money, calling the better business bureau today!”

Rachel G. — “I ordered a $45 hoodie from them. It has been 6 WEEKS and I still haven’t received it. I demanded a refund and they refunded half of my purchase and promised me it would go out within the week. That was 3 weeks ago. Absolutely ridiculous.”

Complaints go back to December of 2009 for failure to deliver goods, delivering the wrong goods, delivering the goods months after ordering rather than weeks or delivering damaged goods. Contrary to popular belief, FCKH8 is not a non-profit – the company that makes their videos is. FCKH8 is a for profit machine so they are beyond fair game. Look up the complaints against them and how they handle them. For an organization that is supposed to be anti-bullying and all about tolerance – they bully the hell out of people and then treat them like crap.

It just goes to show, just because the message is good doesn’t mean the messenger isn’t an a-hole.

The world versus gay people?

When considering a statement like the “World versus gay people” the first thing that comes to mind is how untrue and misleading that is. It may feel that way sometimes, it may be said by certain people on each side of the sexual orientation divide as well, but it is something that really holds no water. It is understandable that there are radicals both heterosexual and homosexual who believe that the world is an “us against them” environment, but logic dictates that to be not only baseless, but a sad way to view the world and people that inhabit it.

There is no denying that if you look around enough you will find some churches and organizations which will preach blanket statements of how there is a real and pressing need to confront and defeat the gay community. Some of these people are misguided and think they are doing it for the good of the gay person to bring them the opportunity to find everlasting salvation. In other cases the groups that preach the same need to crush gays do so because the have a genuine dislike, fear of, or actual hate for gay people. They have no illusions that they are trying to somehow help gays through some twisted logic, but rather that they knowingly and openly want to see these people actually perish.

Looking at the other side of the lawn there are radical gay groups whom preach that all heterosexuals are oppressors and need to be fought tooth and nail at every turn on every issue. They advocate the use of reverse discrimination whenever possible, sometimes even violence. They live by the flawed logic that you cannot support a gay person if you are not yourself a gay person.

Each view is equally wrong and sad. The fact is that gay and straight people are far more alike than many people in the above groups like to admit. Some of those heterosexual people operate under the belief that no gay has ever done anything to benefit them in life and never will. Some of these gays operate under the fallacy that no straight person could possibly support them or their needs and desires for equality and are only out to harm them. Think of how pitiful life is to be lived with those types of mindsets.

Gays have contributed to things heterosexual people enjoy and use everyday. From well before da Vinici’s masterpieces and engineering designs to some of the earliest designers of microchips, gay people have created things we all enjoy. Likewise heterosexuals have created things all gay people use and enjoy. Gays served with great honor and distinction in the armed forces and countless other positions even when they were officially unwanted, and heterosexuals helped create and operate some of the most powerful LGBT organizations on the planet like PFLAG, Lambda Legal, and the HRC.

You simply cannot say the world is against gay people or gays are against heterosexual people when you examine such simple things as that. Were it not for countless heterosexual people that stood up alongside their gay family, friends, and even people they never met before to fight for their rights and basic human needs, the gay rights movement would be dead. You can go to any demonstration concerning gay rights and find a healthy dose of straight people there fighting for gays because they feel it is the right thing to do. You can go to any gay pride parade and find more heterosexual people than you can shake a stick at because they want to show their support.

In short you cannot judge all straight people and make a blanket statement like the world is against gay people because it is just wrong. Some people in the world are against gays, some organizations are against gays, but that is a far cry from the world. It may feel as if everyone is against gays some days, nearly every LGBT person has felt that way for a fleeting moment at least, but the statement has no leg to stand on and is unfair.